She was addicted to feedback—until she realized it was running her life.
Nina checked her inbox like a pulse.
After every client session, she waited—hoped—for that five-star review, the glowing thank-you message, the validation.
When it came, she felt alive. Worthy. Safe. But when it didn’t? Or worse—when someone questioned her approach?
She unraveled.
Spiraled into self-doubt. Rewrote everything. Lost sleep trying to fix what might not even be broken.
One day, she realized:
She had built her self-worth on the weather. And the weather changes.
That’s when she started asking a different question, not what do they think?
But am I centered in who I am, regardless?
Don’t Build Your House on Applause or Arrows
Praise is seductive. Criticism is sharp.
Both are fleeting. Neither defines you.
If compliments inflate you, critiques will deflate you.
If likes lift you, silence will sink you.
Freedom doesn’t come from perfecting perception.
It comes from anchoring inward, not outward.
You are not your reviews.
You are your root.
What Psychology Says About Detaching from Validation
Cognitive behavioral research shows that external validation activates reward centers in the brain, similar to addictive substances.
That’s why we chase it.
Refresh it.
Crave it.
But Dr. Carol Dweck’s work on mindset reveals that the most resilient people are not those who avoid criticism—but those who are process-focused rather than outcome-dependent.
They derive worth from showing up—not from the applause or the silence that follows.
Nina’s Quiet Centering
She didn’t stop checking feedback.
But she stopped letting it steer her.
Now, after every session, she asks:
Did I give my best? Was I kind? Did I stay present?
If yes—then that’s the review that matters.
She still welcomes praise. She still reads critique.
But neither gets to decide who she is.
If You’re Riding the Rollercoaster of Praise and Blame
Pause before absorbing feedback—good or bad.
Let it inform you, not define you.
Check in with your own compass before checking everyone else’s.
Your identity is not an inbox.
Say this: I am rooted in something deeper than anyone’s reaction.
Because the wind may howl.
But the mountain remains unmoved.